Battles

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

It's definitely scary opening up like that to someone.  Wondering about what they think and all the worry that comes with it.  But you did so well to even talk about it, so take that as a big win today!  I think it can only help you in the long term.

As for the red flags, well you would know those for yourself better than anyone.  Even if you feel some  of them are worse now, there are things that are better now. You recognise the signs now pretty well, you know what to do when you start feeling them.  Even how to get through when those plans and/or resources fail you.  In the time we've chatted here, I can definitely see a lot of changes in how you cope with everything.  I know it probably hasn't gotten a lot easier to deal with, and i'm in no way trying to dismiss or minimise those times when you really struggle... i know it's still really difficult.  But I do think you have more 'tools' to get through now. 

The 22nd is a month away, and it feel like a long time.  I know the past month for be between appointment (my next is on Thursday) has felt very long.  But you have here and you have Casper and all the stuff you do to keep yourself distracted.  So while I know it's all too easy to constantly worry about the bad things, i think there are some positive changes you have now to help you.  Not that it erases the bad things, but I just find it tends to amplify them if it's all we focus on.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 I'm trying to take it as a win but I just feel ugh, not sure how to describe it. 

It's scary in itself to notice those red flags, yes I'm glad I can notice them and I know things are a bit different this time in that I have this support network and a somewhat better safety plan but it still just freaks me out a bit. I'm still doing what I can, reaching out when I need to, trying to maintain my safety and keeping connected here so that I don't feel alone. 

I was hoping the other counsellor would have been set up by now but every appointment has had to be changed either by me or them and the first one isn't until the 24th july and that's if it happens. Thinking I might try and ring my doctor tomorrow and see if there's a way to get in sooner than 2 weeks cos I need some things in place now. But for now yes I have here and Casper, haven't been doing too much else lately as my motivation has up and left me. I tried to do a craft thing earlier but got frustrated and quit and was also being triggered by certain things so it was safer to stop. 

Really feel like i need a nap but it's not an option now. Have to get ready to go to the shops soon, really want to keep it a very quick trip, in and out as quick as possible. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I think it's perfectly okay to feel a bit freaked out and even scared.  It just means you're trying really hard.  And that's all anyone can ask.  So don't see this feeling as a bad thing.  It's when i'm not scared or worried anymore that I start to really feel like i'm getting a lot worse.

I think it's a great idea to see if you can get the Doctor appointment moved up.  Even if they can't do it, it's another proactive step you're taking to support yourself.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 I'm scared in ways yes but I'm not scared in other ways and that's the part that I know i need to act on in order to keep myself safe. Hence why trying to get an appointment with my doctor would be a really good idea. I'll ring tomorrow morning and see what they can do. 

[Dreamy]

Hello @MJG017 you up for a chat at all? I got a bit triggered by a post earlier and I stepped away from the forums a bit. Still not feeling great and dealing with flashbacks but wanting to try and stay connected. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Yeah, I'm here.  What did you want to chat about?

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 not the weather 😂.

How's Luna and the other cats been today? 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Damn!  The weather is all I can think about! 🤣

Luna is Luna.  She's taken to climbing under a large square of the fake grass stuff that acts as a big door mat outside the back door.  I went outside yesterday, was about to walk on it and noticed a bit of tail sticking out... then the Luna sized lump in the middle.
Then, today Ryker woke up about 2pm (about usual for him) came outside crying out (again, usual for him when he wakes up) so i put some food in his bowl and Luna came running out but there was already food in hers (I was shocked) but she started eating it anyway.  I think she just doesn't like the idea of anyone (human or cat) eating and she's not!  To be fair though, i'm the same. 😁

Did you get to the shop yet?

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 i just got caught in the rain, it was cold and wet and windy, almost got blown away. 

Luna is crazy, lucky you noticed the tail sticking out then the Luna sized lump 😂. Ryker has the right idea, sleeping in until 2pm 😂. Of course Luna wanted to eat his food, someone else's food always tastes better 😂. Luna and you have that in common 😂.

I just got back from the shops, one of the workers noticed I wasn't myself and gave me a hug so that was nice. I was in and out very quickly although the total on the receipt says otherwise 😂

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Never look at the receipt when you go to the shop these days! 😮  I did once, and I almost passed out!  Was it one of those trips where the intention is a couple of things, but you come home with a bag full? 😁

I have to keep working over to my workshop to get the print our of the printer, ready for the next.  It's only about a 10m walk outside, but I swear I need to tie bricks to me feet to keep me from being blown away.  Lucky the rain saturates me and weighs me down!

I'm currently printing a little kitty cat for my partner as a surprise when she gets home.  https://makerworld.com/en/models/584640-flexi-holding-cat-print-in-place?from=search#profileId-50573...

It must be nice to have people like that at the shop who know you and are so kind.  It's nice to feel like people see you and care.