Life and trauma

[Former-Member]

@Jynx thankyou. 

I don't plan on moving from my corner anytime soon. I'm the same i sleep closest to the corner and furthest from the door. 

Ooohhh a good mixture of hugs in there, I think I'll pick the soothing ones with bonus head pats for this moment. I can't even cry, my emotions are so messed up at the moment. 

Why does my painting feel like it's in a whole different country to where I am right now. I want to try and get back to it but I'm stuck where I am. Cmon you can do this, peel yourself from the corner, pick yourself up and get back to it. Don't let them win, don't let them defeat you. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member *pat pat hug hug pat pat pat* 

Teeheehee 💜

Do you mean like, you feel really floaty and far away? Cos... A whole nother country worth of dissociation? Wow. 

For real though, I hope the intensity dissipates soon and you can regain mastery over your body - sounds like the painting is calling you hehe

I know you already know this but I'm reminding you anyway - your breath is your weapon in this fight; long, slow, measured. It will help bring you back down to earth 🤞 You got this!

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Jynx . I threw myself into a cleaning frenzy, took the bins out, cleaned the bathroom sink, did the dishes. 

Yeah it was like I was far away and not able to bring myself back into the present moment. 

I'm back in this moment, I'm shaking and my heart is pounding but I'm ok. 

Never underestimate the power of breathing, although in those moments it's incredibly hard to remember to just breathe. 

Thankyou for being in that moment with me ❤️.

[Jynx]

@Former-Member oh nice, grounding AND having a clean space, that's awesome! 

Aye, dissociation can be soooo scary, and it's like being completely out of control for me at times. Glad that you've floated back into body 😊

Yeah totally, like when I'm super in my head it's the last thing I'm thinking about! I have lil sticky note reminders telling me to breathe 😅

You're very welcome hun, I'm glad I was able to be here with you 💜

[Former-Member]

@Jynx it's a very scary feeling and sometimes I feel like I'm just going to lose myself in that moment and not be able to get control back. 

I don't even think sticky notes would remind me 😂. Like once my breathing is out of control then that's it, it's almost impossible for me to calm down from that moment. It's only when I'm able to distract myself that it regulates itself really. 

It's almost time for me to sit on my bed and do some colouring, routine is a must for me. 7.30pm is time to sit down and colour, watch my TV show or listen to music and of course chat on the forums if anyone is about. Then it's just a waiting game for when I start to feel sleepy. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member yeah I feel you - and it's hard when in that state to remind ourselves of the fact that our brains are resilient, crafty lil things, and that I have always, always come back to myself when it's happened in the past. 

Haha sticky notes insufficient, you need a big, blinking sign with flashy lights and like a gentle PING noise or something... 🤣

Yay for routine!! You in... the zone? 😋

[Former-Member]

@Jynx is definitely hard when in that moment. 

Haha yes, although flashy lights and epilepsy not the best combination either 😂. 

I'm hardly in the zone, I'm in a weird mood, not a bad one just a very odd one. One where I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling.

I have a picture in front of me or rather 5 and I can't choose which one to do. Why do I torture myself by picking so many that I want to do at once 😂. 

[Jynx]

Oh true @Former-Member haha so I have provided you with, ah yes I see a recipe for disaster! Groovy 🤣

Ach, a moody mood that evades description... I know the feeling. I sometimes call it feeling 'left of centre' cos I'm not FULLY topsy turvy but everything is just... skewed a bit to the left lol. Might be some residue of your body working the last of the adrenaline and stuff outta your system. 

Noooo analysis paralysis strikes again!! You need like, a dart board with the options pinned on it and the one you hit with a dart is the one you choose 😝

[Former-Member]

@Jynx I'll avoid the recipe for disaster at this stage 😂.

Yes exactly, I wouldn't even know how to try and describe it. But anyway that's where I'm at so I just gotta deal with it however I can. 

For real that analysis paralysis is so damn frustrating. I managed to pick a picture that's got 4 small mandalas on it, so it's like multiple pictures in one. 

I thought that I'd managed to get rid of those vivid flashbacks but they seem to have just hit out of nowhere. I really don't have the energy to even deal with them right now. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member I feel like I should have a recipe for NOT disaster here somewhere.... Hmmm there's this one - "One part self-soothing, two parts community connection - mix together in layers and apply steadily to low mood." 😋

Glad you managed to pick one!! I'm sorry the flashbacks have returned though. Did the hospital folks have any insights or thoughts on how to manage em?