Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

I feel numb

[rav3n]

hey @creative_writer sending you some love 💜

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I have become the void. Not happy, not sad. Just nothing. I have nothing left in my cup. I have no spoons. I want to hibernate, it’s almost winter

[rav3n]

@creative_writer i'm so sorry to hear how hard its been. 💜

anything in particular bringing about the numbness? the weather hasn't been helping my mood and energy levels, do you feel like the weather tends to impact yours?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye tbh it makes sense hey, both OCD and ASD are characterised by rigidity of the nervous system. 

Wait remind me, do you have an OCD diagnosis? Cos yeah, that getting stuck in repetitive thoughts is big part of OCD. 

Noooo caffeine withdrawal sucks so much, I get so cranky lol. Hope you've recovered okay over your weekend 💜

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I was incredibly moody yesterday, like super moody, maybe something triggered me? It happened all at once. And then family stuff with my granny being sick. I sort of numbed out after finding out about it today. I was probably already emotionally overwhelmed, it probably added to it. The weather probably doesn’t help, it getting darker.

@Jynx my psych was going to go through the OCD assessment. I have to wait till I can officially get another referral early May. So many hoops to jump to get more affordable sessions. I’m back to normal caffeine levels, but things have been super stressful because of being triggered and family stuff. I lost my appetite

[Jynx]

Oh nooo @creative_writer I'm sorry about your gran, that's hard. Always is with our older rellos hey. 

Oh neat, well I am glad that there's some discussion going on about it - how is it sitting with you, the OCD thing?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  it is hard. All you can do is be hopeful in such circumstances. She’s not getting any younger.

I have known that I’ve had traits for a very long time, my family is like that. My sister also gets distressing thoughts too, and keeps wondering whether she is doing something wrong. Kind of makes me feel even if other family members have had the same “I’m doing something wrong or have done something wrong” experience, might also be OCD related 

[rav3n]

sorry to hear about your gran @creative_writer relatives being unwell can be scary to face, sitting with you and sending my prayers to her 💜

sounds like maybe the pile of up of various things have made it pretty heavy and overwhelming. oh and see you're waiting on the OCD assessment and that your sis gets distressing thoughts too, is she someone you've leaned on?

[creative_writer]

@rav3n I haven’t seen her for years, it’s hard when relatives live so far away.

I don’t tell her everything, she knows about my MH to some extent, but she will always be my baby sister. We have 7 years apart