I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Yeah.. they are really getting to me. @tyme. My team shouldn’t make me feel so unwanted. At least I have the structure of hospital coming up. I need to focus on hospital! 

Yes.. I need to try and bring myself back. This is what I don’t know how to do. 

[Bow]

Sorry @tyme  just replying to your earlier comment (sorry no notifications and I’ve been hanging out with D this evening too)

I think sometimes you do come on here to share something good or positive. Or you just want to talk, nothing negative, or need some company. But it’s like if you quietly enter a room a sit down you go unnoticed. You feel ignored. Not good enough, not worthy. Not wanted. It feels like ya gotta come running through the door jumping and screaming. Sorry that’s just how I’m seeing it in my head. 

I very often feel like people are told not to talk to me. None of the peer guides say boo. Very few peer workers. Maybe everyone’s just been warned to stay clear of bow. 
And yeah I get people get busy and there are priorities. Sorry just rambling now. Ya can just delete this

[Captain24]

I hear what you are saying @Bow 

I haven’t seen a peer guide either. 

I get the slip in quietly. 

[tyme]

Hey @Bow ,

I'm hearing you hun. It's totally okay you share this. 

Would you be up to hearing it from my own perspective?

If so, read on. It's not bad or anything. I just prefer you to be ready and wanting to hear it from my perspective as opposed to me imposing it on you (if you know what I mean). I'm a firm believer in giving people choice where possible.

Content/trigger warning

Whenever you come online in the evenings, I see you. When you post, I read it. Do I always respond? No. Why? It's not because I don't want to. It's not because I don't like you. It's not because I don't care. I just honestly don't know what to say. I have a genuine fear that if I say the wrong thing, I may trigger you and it's the last thing I'd want. I'd love to be able to connect with you more, but I feel I need guidance. I'm open to hearing. I'm open to learning, and I'm definitely wanting to 'speak the same language'. As I've mentioned before, I know so little about EDs, that I don't want to invalidate your experiences or make you feel worse by what I say. There have been times when what I've shared has been misunderstood (not by you), and as a human, it hurts. So please know I am NOT ignoring you. I am here for you and always will be. But I need your guidance on how to do it in a way that helps you.

[tyme]

With the peer guides, I wonder if PSW/Mods were less present, would Peer Guides then step in? @Captain24 @Bow 

I connect with the Peer Guides via zoom for regular catch ups, and one thing they've mentioned is that once PSWs respond, they feel inadequate to respond thereafter. This is the genuine reality. If they knew you are open to connecting, I'm sure they'd love to connect. Are you open to me tagging them in?

Thoughts?

[Captain24]

That makes sense @tyme. I can see why that would feel like that. See.. something little like that makes so much more sense than feeling ignored. I now see that the connection with the 2 PSW makes it slightly intimidating. In all

honesty I don’t want to lose that connection. 

If they wanted to be around they would already would be. The connections are only in the evening. There has been plenty of time during the day. But I also don’t make myself known, I keep quietly in my little box

[tyme]

Hopefully things will change soon @Captain24 . I absolutely hear your concerns.

By the way, did you see the call out for forums re-design interviews? https://saneforums.org/t5/Forum-News-and-Updates/Upcoming-Enhancements-to-SANE-Forums-Thanks-to-Your...

I had a sneak peak today regarding some awesome pending changes! This is what the above call is for. 

No pressure. But if you want to take part, go right ahead 🙂

I gotta wrap up, but will see you shortly.

[Captain24]

Thanks for tonight @tyme 

all ready done! 

Have a good night. 

[Captain24]

I slept in this morning. I don’t know if it’s from being highly activated from yesterday or the constant rain overnight. I have puddles in my backyard so I guess it was a lot. 

I think I’m ok just really tired and unmotivated. I don’t know what is going on in my head. Am I recovering because I’m having good days? Is it just a teaser as I have really dark moments. Mostly I’m tired and unmotivated. Which usually means I’m low. But then is it the weather? I have a lot of trouble in winter. 

Im just confused. I know I should be reading into it but that’s what I do.