I can’t cope

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @Captain24 .

It brings back memories of times when things just hurt so much... as though my heart was bleeding with pain.

@Captain24 , please remember you are not alone. This dark cloud over you is a little stubborn at times and refuses to move, but this doesn't mean it won't.

Sitting with you hun.

[Captain24]

Just met my new GP. He said he would take me in as a patient. That’s a big thing here as doctors are in demand. Both medical centres have closed their books to new patients. If you have seen a doctor in 7 years you are not eligible for appointments. 

He is a bit scary but I guess I’ll get use to it. He isn’t sure of the monthly visits but will see how it goes. My GP is going to do a handover with him. 

Im suppose to be asleep right now but I can’t sleep. This depression is affecting my sleep. Usually I sleep too much but this time I can’t get to sleep. 

Oh how I hate my life. Maybe if I can get to sleep I will just stay sleeping. Then I wouldn’t have to face this world any longer. Oh to have it all over. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 

I'm glad you've gotten in with this new doctor, it sounds like that might've been a stroke a luck with how difficult it can be there! I do know that these changes aren't easy, and creating this new comfort and trust with a new GP takes time.

I'm really hearing how hard things feel right now, and I'm a bit worried about these thoughts of wanting life to be over. Are you feeling safe right now? Do you think calling a crisis line would be a good idea?

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Glad to hear about the doctor. How are you feeling about it?

Can they transfer your docs over?

How has today been?

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

I just woke up. I’ve got nightshift tonight. 

The doctor is at the same practice

so all my records are there. It just that some doctors aren’t even taking current patients of the practice either. 

My day has been pretty crap. I don’t want to be here anymore. I did clean the house this morning and had a shower and washed my hair so that’s something I guess. 

[tyme]

What's the change @Captain24 ? You were doing so well.

Do you feel this is the aftereffects of your holiday?

I'm here if you need a chat.

[Captain24]

I don’t know what has changed @tyme. I’m just hoping I climb back soon. I hate how I am. 

Im about to drive to work. I may catch you on Sunday before work otherwise it’ll be later in the week. 

Im going to go down to see my psych on Tuesday. It’s 5 hours but I’d like to keep that connection. 

[tyme]

I'm starting to think that part of the work needs to be on reframing @Captain24 .

Do you a therapist you can work with to help you with challenging some unhelpful thinking patterns?

I'll catch you later this week. Drive safe!