I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Pix is sounding rattley in her breathing @Ru-bee. Maybe a trip to the vet in the morning. See how she goes overnight. 

I had a nap but I’m still feeling so sick and depleted. Mowing the lawn will just have to wait, if it’s not raining in the morning I’ll do it then. Hopefully. 

[Ru-bee]

Poor Pix, I hope she comes good tonight @Captain24 but keeping an eye on her sounds like a good plan 

I'm off for the evening but I'll be thinking of you and Pix this weekend. Take care 💜

[Jynx]

Sending love and healing vibes to lil Pix, @Captain24 how's she been doing?

And you got your surgery date? 

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

She seems ok at the moment but scared me today and herself. I’ll just watch her overnight and see if I need to take her to the vet in the morning. Her breathing is a little unsettled. 

I go into surgery on Tuesday. I have to be there at 10am and I should be released around 4 hours after that. It’s a general anaesthetic though not a sedation. So I think I’ll wake up feeling sick. Hopefully not. 10 is a good time as it’s well and truely in the daylight and also getting home will be daylight too. They said that I need someone to stay with me overnight but I don’t really want anyone. I want to just be able to sleep and recover not have to think about anyone. 

How is the ‘new’ furniture? Feeling connected to it? 

[Captain24]

How was your day @tyme ? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm feeling really good. Nothing in particular happening, but I just feel good 🙂

I read about your surgery date etc. 

Have you  been practising the exposure strategies?

[Captain24]

That’s so good! @tyme I love that for you. 

I have been thinking about it. I can picture the drive and I can see the hospital and reception desk. Getting the call today made it so much more real! 

Pix scared me today. She had a breathing attack. I had to calm her down and her breathing is still a little unsettled but slowly getting back to normal. 

[tyme]

Oh no @Captain24 ! Pix again! What a worry. It's like having a sick child you have to monitor all the time. 

Good on you for doing all that hard work on your recovery. I'm so mindful that it's not easy at all to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

I plan to get a list of things done at home this week so I can tick them off my list. Then I'll feel even better!

[Captain24]

Yeah. She is still in the danger zone. @tyme. She has a long way to go. It’s constant monitoring. I guess it’ll depend on how she is on Monday whether mum will come with me or send dad so someone is closely watching Pix. 

I am working really hard. The encouragement has been really helpful and showing me what I am progressing on. It has been so beneficial. I failed today (oops.. slipped up!) I actually did a lot, I got all of tomorrow’s list done and most of today’s but I didn’t get the lawns done. I felt really sick and couldn’t push myself anymore so I laid down for an hour and still didn’t feel any better. Now I have to do them tomorrow when I really wanted a me day. 

I love ticking off lists! It keeps your mind semi organised and progress is so much easier to see. I use to put it in notes on my phone and delete them as I had done them but at the end it was just empty as the was noting left but I couldn’t actually see what I had done. 

Feeling good helps with being able to get things done as you know you will feel even better. 

What kinds of things? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aww poor lil darlin, hope she comes good soon so you don't have to skip off to the vet again! 

Is having someone stay with you something you're considering at all or are you gonna wing it alone?

Honestly it's been a little sombre. My mum sent down some of my grandma's old things as well so there's a lot of memories in the process. So I am taking it slow, being gentle with myself, and allowing some space for the grief. Means the chaos will last a bit longer, but I think it's a process I'd rather not rush, you know?