I can’t cope

[Jynx]

I would count that as a victory @Captain24! And so sorry that you have to endure being told things that are so hurtful. It is hard if you're hearing it constantly, our brains are funny little things and can start to believe all sorts of stuff when we hear it enough. 

Good on you, trying is the first step 💜

[Captain24]

I need a distraction! 
I’ve had a shower. 
Im having a hot chocolate.

I'm watching a movie. 
What else can I do??? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Hmmm I will try to think of some options!!

• Find some forums threads with similar stories
• Visit the social threads
• Try to find a new mobile game, perhaps one with a cool storyline
• Go to Wikipedia and hit the 'random article' button until you find something you want to read
• Watch a documentary on a topic you know very little about
• Put on a podcast and do some cleaning
• Do a guided meditation from Youtube

Hope this helps!

[Captain24]

Thanks I’ll try

[Captain24]

I’ve got relaxing music on. But my heart is racing. I can’t concentrate on anything or distract myself. The meditation I cant relax enough to listen. Games I can’t focus. I just can’t focus on anything. The only thing I think I have to do is go to bed to stop the urges. Just hope tomorrow is a new and better day. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24  Sounds like a plan I think, just to go for that reset that sleep can bring. You can always jump back on here if you struggle to get to sleep and want to keep chatting. I'll be finishing up at 10pm but you can tag the next mod by typing @moderator  and selecting it from the drop down 💜

[Captain24]

Thank you @Jynx 

Just got into bed. Hoping the thoughts go away and my heart slows down.

So sorry to be difficult. Just as I thought I was getting through I have crashed way back down. 

sorry 😢 

[Jynx]

You're not being difficult @Captain24 , you're using the forums for one of the main reasons they exist in the first place - for support. I honestly consider it a privilege to be able to sit with you and all the other forumites who are going through tough times. Cos I know what my own tough times were like, and how much I valued having others just take the time to be with me. I also remember the guilt I felt at putting them through that, but can say from the other side that that guilt is 100% unnecessary. 

Hope you get some restful sleep, and that tomorrow is better. If not, well there will still be many folks here who wanna sit by you through it all 💜

[Captain24]

My heart has stopped racing and the urges are easing but I still can’t unwind enough to sleep. I hate being back here when I thought I was doing okish. 

[Captain24]

So I made sure I got everything done today early as I go back to work tomorrow and a friend said she would catch up for lunch today. I was so looking forward to some human interaction and an awesome chat. 

Well I guess she didn’t want to. She headed out of town for the day instead. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to have lunch with me either. Then I thought I’d msg another friend for a chat. Nope I get one word responses. I guess I’m just not worth it. I don’t blame them it’s all on me and how horrible I am. 

I had to get the pain out and now I hate myself for it. I feel like there is no point in trying if no one wants to see me anyway. I feel like it’s one step forward and another 10 back. 

Ive had a reasonable morning and I appreciate that. I’m just stupid for letting this put me way back but sometimes it would be nice to be wanted or needed so I’m not always alone. I’m stupid for thinking that they would want to talk to me or see me anyway. 

I hate being like this when I’m ok it’s good but I keep coming back to this. It’s so hard to climb out if when no one even cares