I can’t cope

[Captain24]

You’d think so @Jynx. Nah I’m not immunocompromised. 

My MH has been really bad. Like doing a lot of risky things without any care for myself. Not reaching out as I don’t want the support for it. Im still feeling the same. 

It’s going around town at the moment. I’m guessing I got it from work. Not sure though. 

Yeah I love that smell. It’s pouring now on my tin roof! Only a little bit of thunder though so that’s disappointing.

It’s the practice I think. I need to make an appointment as I need some scripts. I’ll try and ring tomorrow to see when I can get in. I usually just get the scripts done way in advance. One of my meds has 7 repeats left. 

How’s the little kitties? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 sounds like there's part of you that is pretty concerned, even if you are overall feeling pretty numb to it. If you were to tap into that part of yourself, what do you think it would say is a good step towards some self-care?

Booooo we want BIG THUNDER!! And forked lightning!! Love it when mother nature shows off hehe

Fingers crossed it's an easy process for ya!

Kitties are goooood!! Here is some pics 😁

[Captain24]

I don’t want self-care @Jynx. I kinda want to keep risking it. I’m not sure that makes sense. Being so sick is making me SI so much worse. But I don’t have the energy. 

Love lightening. The forked kind is the best! 

Cute piccies. Furbabies are the best! Mine just got home. Pix is use to the routine of nightshifts so she was really excited to see me. Jett just isn’t smart enough to know what’s going on. I honestly think he has ADHD and I’m not joking. He has no concentration and no focus. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 hmm sounds worrying, are you worried? I suppose it is possible that the push towards riskier behaviours is potentially a subconscious attempt to forcefully change your circumstances, what do you think?

Like for example, I imagine that consciously you wouldn't want to go into ED, but maybe unconsciously you know that it would be a potential shift from the misery you've been feeling in your day-to-day - it might break the cycle kinda thing. That make sense? 

Yay the prodigal hounds return!! Hahaha you know I often joke that dogs are ADHD and cats are autistic! Am I wrong tho? 🤣

[Captain24]

Nah. I’m not worried. I just don’t care. @Jynx. Whatever happens happens.

That makes sense but I’m not sure that that is what I’m feeling deep down. Deep down I don’t want to be here. 

I dont think you’re wrong! Pix doesn’t seem too bad but Jetts is really bad. I said to mum that I swear he has it and she totally agreed!  

I guess with cats that are distant so I get the autistic traits. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Very fair, and I will also add that I guess that in terms of needing a change, or an escape as it were, I always see SI as the logical end point of this desire. As in, when the desire to escape becomes so intense it manifests as a desire to stop living altogether. 

You may not be worried but I sense there's still a piece of you with some concerns... else you'd not be talking about it! Maybe. Probably. In any case, do you reckon you will be able to chat to your supports about how you're feeling? 

Yep, cats love routines, need lots of their own space and alone time, they love routines... teehee

So Pix got all the brain cells then eh? lol

[Eve7]

I’m really looking forward to the Ghan @Captain24 and afterwards I’ll spend a few days in Darwin.

Do you have days off after tonight?

[Captain24]

Maybe. I don’t know. I kinda needed it to be said somewhere but no where that people would be concerned @Jynx 

Im not sure I will say anything to my psych. I don’t see her for another 2 weeks anyway. Who knows what could happen in that time. 

Yes Pix got all the brain cells. She is quite a smart dog. Jett doesn’t even understand the words, treat, walk, see Keiko. Just the basics. Pix gets when I say we are going on holidays to the beach. I can slip those other words into a conversation I’m having with her with out any connotation and she still gets them. 

[Captain24]

Oh that’ll be awesome @Eve7. 

I want to do some travelling one day. When my mortgage is paid. 

Im off now until Monday so at least I’ll have time to recover. 

[Eve7]

I’m so glad you have extra days off @Captain24  and can take time to recover without losing anymore pay.