Lived Experience Forum

[Jynx]

@creative_writer sorry it's taken me a while to respond! Hope your day has been ok 😊

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@creative_writer wrote:
@Jynx it is challenging. It just shows you that it’s not just my mum, I have other relatives. More shit happens in my extended family than I would like to admit. My mum’s SIL 1 is the reason why her relationship with her brother was estranged. I never got to know him, and I am still bitter about it, it’s too late, he’s gone. My mum’s SIL 1 is a really toxic person so I never see her, she doesn’t feel like family. You can kind of see why my mum may have trust issues. The stuff with SIL 1, MIL and even some relatives.

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Yeah very understandable that you feel bitter, that's so awful. And like, yeah does make sense for your mum to find trust difficult. Just sucks that it then also has an impact on you and your own development and recovery. It can be quite challenging in my experience to balance being forgiving, and knowing our parents were simply doing the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had at the time, whilst also making space for our wounds and being able to acknowledge the hurt they played a role in.

I think sometimes, the stuff we inherit can be so much harder to work through than the stuff we encounter just in general. Harder to process, hard/impossible to find closure, and sometimes we even get the fun task of disentangling ourselves from our family's toxicity. I mean there's a reason I don't talk to the majority of my extended family. Which absolutely sucks, but sometimes we gotta cut people out to protect our peace. 

Hope your Tuesday unfolds smoothly, and I'll chat to you in the evening if you're about! 💜

[Snowie]

@creative_writer hope your day is going ok hon

Take care 💕💕

[creative_writer]

@Jynx family can be rough at times. I think all families have stuff to some extent, some more than others. I think being the eldest daughter has meant that I’ve been able to pick up on the dynamics a bit more since I’ve had to emotional support my mum at times. My mum has been clear about how she feels about certain relatives. It is hard to separate myself from my parents anxieties and struggles at times.

It is true sometimes we gotta cut people out. The physical distance has helped a bit too but it also means we are isolated. I’m sure I would’ve been closer to some relatives if I lived closer, but then it would’ve been harder to avoid the ones you don’t want to interact with. I don’t have hard feelings against my paternal granny like my late uncle’s wife. But I’ve found it frustrating that I’m supposed to fit in a box. Like I’m not a maid who just does housey stuff, and I don’t think my pacing around is odd behaviour, a lot of people pace, just saying. I hope today has been kind to you 💖

@Snowie my day was okay, a bit groggy from PRN last night. But today has been okay. How are you? 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah we can absolutely inherit certain roles hey. You've heard the term 'parentified' before? Cos it's relevant 😅

So hard being put into a box. I've felt that way my whole life (and random side note, it was whilst reading an article by a trans woman that I realised I am nonbinary, because she said, "Being gendered male felt like I'd been put into a box that I never actually fit into" and whoooo boy did that resonate with my entire existence 😂), only for me it was the role of the youngest - i.e. being babied, being neglected (I was the kid playing quietly alone in the corner while my older siblings were way more... hands on), not having my independence nurtured... Effectively, infantilised. 

Re: the pacing and other stimming behaviours - do you mind me asking, do your parents comment on it? Do you get criticised or is it more a lack of understanding leading to awkwardness kinda thing? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynxin some ways I do feel like I was parentified. As the oldest child, I’ve feel responsible for the wellbeing of my family, it’s exhausting.

Sometimes others want us to fit into boxes, but it doesn’t work that way. Trying to fit in a box means not being authentic. Masking constantly is very draining.

My parents don’t mind me stimming as long as I’m not doing something that is not good for me. They definitely do not like the hand rubbing, I haven’t completely given up on it, I probably should get one of those sensory rings. My skin started feeling slightly raw the other day, yet that did not stop me.

The youngest child does often have to cope with being infantilised. I feel like birth order can have a huge impact on your life

[Snowie]

@creative_writer 💌💌

[Snowie]

Good morning @creative_writer 

Hoping that you are going ok and that your weekend goes well for you 

Sending some 💌💌

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I feel like I never got your other notification or this one. I think my SANE account is acting up.

Taking today morning to process things, it’s been a long week. I hope you are doing okay 💖

[Snowie]

Myself and other members have had trouble with notifications too lately @creative_writer It's just not you.

I hope you had some time to yourself and today has gone well.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie today has been okay, I’ve had to process emotions, might need to externalise it by writing tomorrow. How has your day been?