Running

[avant-garde]

@Jynx or an invisibility cloak!

I'm home safe now, really tired though

Jynx... I'm not too blame for not being able to stop the abusers in my life am I?

There's a part of me that hates myself for not rescuing them... the others like me... for not being enough to stop the abuse...

[Jynx]

@avant-garde glad you're home safe!! Aye the loud and the bright really take it out of you don't they! Swear I'm always a wreck after I've been out and about 😅

I think abuse wouldn't be SUCH as issue if it were that easy hun. I don't think it's about whether you could've stopped them, or if you could have done more, or anything like that. Because that means you're taking on the burden of responsibility, of guilt, for actions that were not even remotely because of you. Put the blame where it belongs, with the people who put any of you into a position to have to make a choice like that in the first place. 

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

I need less logic and more comfort... it's not the healthy adult that has a problem with it... it's the vulnerable child...

[Jynx]

@avant-garde 💜 ty for communicating your needs 🙌

You're definitely not to blame hun. You were doing whatever you could do to survive. I don't think there's anyone who could have done anything different, cos you are more than enough - always have been. I'm sorry so many tried to convince you otherwise. 

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

The book I finished... it took hundreds of girls to come forward...

I imagine the waiting... that they felt the same... with all many people not taking them seriously...

[Jynx]

@avant-garde I am glad that you have their stories to keep you company hun. It would be such a difficult and isolating thing, to not know who will receive your story with kindness, and who will shut you down. 

Thanks for sharing their bravery here hun, really touches the heart. I think it also speaks to your own bravery as well 💜

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

I think you're slightly confused...

The book I read was to do with the hundreds of gymnasts and athletes that came forward in the story of Rachel Denhollander... what is a girl with...

I'm the first to come forward in relation to my dad and his network

[Jynx]

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@avant-garde wrote:

@Jynx 

I think you're slightly confused...

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Frequently.

Thanks for clarifying, I think I did kinda get that sense... but maybe made some assumptions too.

Do you still find comfort in them? I mean, perhaps the kind of comfort you might get from their stories is different though. 

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

It helps me feel "heartbrokenly heard"

It's like "I'm glad I'm not the only one authorities dismissed" along with "I'm sorry that you have to live like this too"

FYI: a quote doesn't tag even if it's a quote from that person, not sure you realised

I also know you finish in 20 minutes 

[Jynx]

@avant-garde no I didn't know 😮

You'd think I'd been here 5 weeks not 5 years lol ty for letting me know!

Mm a bittersweet feeling, to feel the relief alongside the grief. Also shows the intense depths of your empathy, that it moves you like this.

I hope their stories can help you in giving yourself some grace, with this guilt that is sitting so heavy. 

Aye time slips by us so quickly doesn't it! ☹️

*wraps you up in one last big but very gentle hug* 

I catch you next time lovely one 💜