I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m seeing my Pdoc in half an hour. @tyme. I’m hoping for a discharge date and my meds updated. I was suppose to see her in the consulting suites but my message said the ward. I hate how stupid I am. I hate that I can never get anything right. I’m just so stupid. 

Maybe they will all play together and leave you alone. I struggle with criers too. I’ve been to my new groups twice now and there is one woman that cries the whole time. She just came into my room thinking it was hers. That’s the second time. She has stopped touching me at the moment though. She is ridiculously anxious but that really annoying anxiousness. 

Sorry now I’m being a whinger!! 

[Captain24]

Just saw my Pdoc she has remove one med and increased a new med that she started me on. Double the dose. 

She was glad that work allowed me extra time off work. She said she wasn’t ready to let me go home yet. She did say that I looked better than the other day that I saw her. 

She has given me a task that I have to do everyday that I’m not happy about. I have to walk every morning and I’m not to skip it. I guess it’ll be nice down at the beach though. It’s probably a good way to start the day. 

[tyme]

I believe in you @Captain24 . I can hear things are 'lighter' for you already. 

Go for the walk. I'll 'walk' with you 🙂

[Captain24]

I feel so tired and depressed. I feel

lonely in amongst all the people. I’m missing home. I’m missing my babies. 

[tyme]

Awww @Captain24 ,

Absolutely! They are your babies. I would miss them too. I know how much you love them and what they mean to you. Would it help to write down what you want to achieve in the remaining time you are there, and that may help you get through?

I'm hearing you though. Homesickness... 

[Captain24]

I just want to feel better within myself. @tyme. I’ll keep going to group and take what I can out of it. 

2 people that I was sorta friends with left today and they came in after me. So that hurts a little. 

I just want to go home. I don’t know if it’s the withdrawal from the anti-depressant or the increase in something else she start, the walk this morning or just missing home

[tyme]

How did the walk this morning go @Captain24 ? Did you go on your own?

[Captain24]

Yeah I went I my own. @tyme. It’s too embarrassing to walk with someone. I struggle so much in the way back. I had to stop twice to get my breath. It’s a really steep climb back. 

It was ok. I only got to Cole’s and turned around to come back. Coles is at the bottom of the hill. I was going to the beach but it was just too much. I’ll try again tomorrow. 

Has everyone arrived yet? 

[Captain24]

I’m lying in bed crying, feeling pretty much at an all time low.

The beautiful nurse that I just love came in. She can see how distressed I am. She is coming back in an hour to check on me. She made me a hot chocolate, got me some bikkies and a box of tissues. 

If I still feel this bad tomorrow then I have to tell the nurses and they will ring my doctor to see what will help through my withdrawal. It’s getting harder by the minute. 

[ArraDreaming]

Sorry your struggling