I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I hope I didn’t offend you? @Jynx 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aye I grew up in one, it sucks. Have you ever thought about living somewhere else? I do know we've spoken about how much you like your house so I totally understand if that's just not an option but... it can change your life!

Aww your psych sounds cute as!! That's like my psych too, she's always so warm and her vibe is so inviting. I try to cultivate a warm vibe too. I'd be curious about how my clients have perceived me hey! 

Yeah precisely that! It's actually incredible the empowerment we can feel when we find out that a) there's a word for our experiences and b) that the existence of that word tells me that I am not alone in said experience. 

The 'Gaydar' thing is kinda funny. Because like... what does 'gay' look like? From my own experiences, people often tend to use the phrase to describe how they might determine if a random stranger could be queer. It is largely guesswork, probably more about noticing little indicators that the person is part of the community and culture. But not everyone is, hence why it's not like anyone has a 'reliable gaydar'. In the example I gave, this was a friend who had known me for years, and he was just waiting for me to figure it out apparently 😅 But yeah I dunno, am I making sense?

[Captain24]

I can’t move @Jynx. I had a psych (the one that found my inner child) tell me I need to sell up and leave but it’s just not that easy. Plus my psych said I am nowhere near stable enough. She thinks it would be detrimental. 

Plus my parents are getting older and my brother is useless so what happens with them is all up to me. 

She is awesome. If she wasn’t my psych we could actually be friends. 

It was nice to find out that there wasn’t just something wrong with me. That others had the same feelings, or in my case lack of feelings. 

I’m getting confused. 

[Jynx]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I hope I didn’t offend you? @Jynx 

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Nope I was just having my dinner and then got inundated with notifications haha. 

If ever you offend me, not only will I let you know, I will also (if it feels emotionally safe for me to do so) do my best at providing some gentle education about whatever it is that was offensive. Because I know you, and I know you to be a kind and compassionate person who has never demonstrated any kind of bigoted or discriminatory thoughts or behaviours, I would never assume that you were trying to be cruel, I would always assume it was simply that you didn't know any better. And I would forgive you. 

So please!! Never be afraid to ask or say something to me for fear of offending me. I'm quite difficult to offend! 

[Captain24]

Thanks for understanding @Jynx 

I would never intentionally offend anyone. Thats not me. 

Im very open minded and would never discriminate. I’m just very inquisitive and like to understand the different whelms of life. 

Im happy for you to educate me if my words are misplaced. I would rather that. 

On a lighter note check this out 

 

[Jynx]

Oh yeah @Captain24 I did not mean to suggest you ought to just pack up and move right away. But if I'm not the first person to suggest this, it might be worth giving it some more thought - maybe pop a reminder in your calendar for like, six months from now, to just check in with yourself about it again. 

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@Captain24 wrote:

Plus my parents are getting older and my brother is useless so what happens with them is all up to me. 

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Is it? Why? Will that be good for you? Why do you owe this to them? Have they provided the same care to you?

This seems like it could be something to unpack with your supports hun. I am gonna be logging off soon too so please feel free to just take this as a prompt for reflection rather than feel like you need to respond right away, and we can always come back to it another day. 

Haha yeah I made that confusing. I think in simpler terms, 'gaydar' doesn't really exist but people who are good at reading people do. 

[Captain24]

Because I’m the good daughter! @Jynx. I need to put them before myself. I know it’s wrong. I know it’s not healthy for me. I know that it’s going to damage me. I know it’s not what I got but someone has to be there for them. 

Did you see my pic? That’s what I did instead for mowing the front lawn! Oops

Have a good night and thanks for the in-depth self reflection of the last 2 nights. I’m exhausted! 

[Jynx]

I'm glad you can at least recognise the unhealthy narrative @Captain24. Sounds like that there is a great topic for therapy too - your identity as the 'good daughter' and how that impacts your ability to forge your own path towards an authentic sense of self. And then you can work out whether it's an identity that you want to keep! 

I just saw the pic, holy guacamole it is GORGEOUS!! I love those colours, you have a good eye!! Thanks for sharing 😊

We have done a LOT of unpacking!! We both earned a break hahaha. I'm sure we will find more things to get stuck into, but I'm also very okay with more light hearted chats for a while if that's what you're needing. In any case, I'm off!! Thank you for listening and sharing with me. Whether you realise it or not, these conversations mean so much to me. Nighty night! 💜

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24  How are you?

Show me, show me! The coasters 🙂

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

we are working on the good daughter thing!  

It was a mosaic kit. It told me where to put the mosaics so it wasn’t me with a good eye. Im going to do more kits and then try one in my own!

We have unpacked so much. Light hearted sounds good!