I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I did just finish watching ‘one night’ on Netflix. @Jynx. It had Nicole De Sliva in it so I had to watch it! It was ok. 

Im having trouble focusing on anything.  It’s kinda like I’m a little manic. I feel slightly energised. I want to clean my kitchen and my house. But there is no

point when I have to do it tomorrow anyway. But I don’t have the energised mood it’s kinda dark and I’ve been suppressing it. So I don’t know if I’m in a mixed state or not. It’s hard when you question everything looking for bipolar signs. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Aww hugs to ya hun! 

Do you think the 'energised' feeling could be something to channel into something physical? I get maaaaad restlessness and need to do like, jumping jacks or dance around to shake it all out. It's amazing how much I've been finding physical movement helpful. 

When was the last time you got a bit silly and just, danced around your kitchen or something? 

[Captain24]

I never do anything silly @Jynx. I haven’t really ever. I’m too embarrassed even when no one is around. I can’t get rid of the shame. I wish I could. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 aww I know the feeling hun. It is definitely one of those things where it is REALLY hard to start, but it gets easier every time (esp if you're only doing it alone) because we have to show our survival system that there's no bad consequences to doing it. But not saying to force it or anything!! You do you 😉

[Captain24]

I’m crying @Jynx.

I feel bad because I kept vetoing your suggestions. I’m not being deliberately disrespectful.

I bought a weighted blanket but it’s just too heavy. I can’t lift it. I dragged it to the lounge. I’m so out of shape. I’m so stupid. I can’t get anything right. 

Both dogs are driving me crazy. 

I have a headache. Im hating on myself. Im hating on my life. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 you're always allowed to veto my suggestions!! That's what good communication and good boundaries is all about - being able to speak up about your inner world and ask for your needs and values to be respected! I've never felt disrespected by you hun, not even close. 

Oh yeah they weigh soooo much!! I can't lift mine either lol, I drag em too! Also.... dragging a weighted blanket isn't wrong! And neither is not being able to lift one. You are also getting it right by not sitting alone in these thoughts, and sharing them with us instead. 

Got some painkillers? Noise cancelling headphones? Had enough food and water today? 

Sending you gentle hugs my dear 🫂🫂

[Captain24]

I’m sorry @Jynx 

I shouldn’t have said anything. I said I wouldn’t be vocal. Sorry. 

I feel a little better knowing that you drag it too. 

I’ve had 2 prawn sandwiches today. I don’t really drink much water. I’ve had a couple of little bottles of coke though. 

[Jynx]

Can I ask what you're apologising for @Captain24 ? I still maintain that you've never disrespected me, and I cannot think of anything you've said tonight that you ought to be apologising for!

I mean... admittedly there is water in coke but it's definitely not the same! Could be the source of your headache hun, just saying!

Are your lil doggos getting xmas pressies? Oh! Teehee I saw this yesterday and thought of you! Figured you might get a kick out of it too hehe: https://imgur.com/hNGpu6t

[Captain24]

I feel like I’ve let you down @Jynx Plus I said more than I should have and won’t do that again and I’m sorry for it. 

My old CM always said apologising was a sign. 

Yeah they get Chrissy presents. I’ve got to wrap them. I put up the Christmas tree for photos with their presents. 

That’s cute. They love it when I scratch them there. But they don’t act like that which would be funny though. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 nope. No let down here hun. But I'm hearing that you are probably feeling pretty dysregulated so, your logic brain may not be firing fully right now, which absolutely makes it harder to take on information that conflicts with our inner narrative. If you would like further reassurance that you've not impacted me negatively in the slightest, you just let me know 😊

Things are only signs if you want em to be!! That said, if you are feeling concerned your evening is taking a downward turn, do you wanna work out some steps to help you keep safe together?

Aww bless, haha they're such funny lil guys I love chihuahuas!! My cats are similar in their love of just-above-the-tail scritches!! Do they let you put lil santa hats on em? Teehee