I can’t cope

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I want to go on a cruise too. But on your own is so hard. I’d go with you!! 

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Same here. I was thinking the same thing 🙂

Oh... doesn't your bro work and have a partner? 

Sometimes, by giving people money, we enable them... but of course I get it if it's different as I don't know his situation.

Yeah. I just need to take my brain out of my circumstances.

[Captain24]

It would be fun @tyme.

Yeah he works but apparently she isn’t working at the moment. He said he needed money for fuel. I know I’m enabling him. I could hear my old CM in the back of my head. But how can I say no. 

The forums are having a different effect on each of us. 

[tyme]

Does he pay you back @Captain24 ?

The forums are having a different effect on each of us. 

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What do you mean by this? Am I keeping you on the forums when you don't want to be here? I'm sorry if I am. 

[Captain24]

He probably won’t. @tyme 

You are keeping me here but I need to learn to feel more comfortable and confident again. You are the best person to help. I have lots going through my head. 

How did your niece go at swimming lessons? 

[tyme]

Yeah, I'm around and more than happy to help out if it works because yes, it's helping me too. 

People can just be so cruel. But I'm glad I'm in a better headspace @Captain24 

I was so upset yesterday that I went home and just grabbed Ruby and went walking walking walking... I think poor Ruby had enough of walking and wanted to go home. 

Oh, what time did you say you were leaving tomorrow?

[Captain24]

Thank you @tyme. I appreciate you and @Jynx more than you both realise right now. 

People can be just horrible. Dogs are so helpful. They are great for your MH. I’m glad you were able to self regulate! Walking is great I just can’t get myself out. 

Im guessing we are leaving around 8:30. I can hear the conversation now. Your father isn’t ready. Your father… then we will get to the second rest stop and the conversation will be what are we having for lunch. There is only one place to go!!! 

[tyme]

When I was in Sydney, I was watching my parents, and how they 'put up' with each other... 

I think the fact is that your dad is 'comfy' how she treats him?

So whilst you and I may cringe at how they treat each other, it seems they've learnt to put up with it.

I noticed my dad has a lot of autistic tendencies... he does the SAME thing and has so for as long as I remember. My mum complains that he wants to go for breakfast to the same cafe EVERY SINGLE DAY and eat the same thing EVERY SINGLE day, so she just puts up with it..

Marriage is sacrifice? And it sounds like that's what they've chosen. @Captain24 

[Captain24]

Yeah. They just put up with each other @tyme. I’m not sure that they even like each other anymore. 

He doesn’t usually bite back but he comes to me to whinge. They both do. They stick me in the middle of it. I am scared. 

It’s funny what we notice. Dad has really bad anxiety! He can make a call to order dinner and usually stumbles over his words when talking. 

I think that it is a sacrifice and not one I’m willing to make. I’d rather be on my own than dislike the person I’m with. 

[tyme]

I think your parents need each other. After a time, they rely on each other so much. Like you said, your dad is prob the anxious type, so needs a confident/bossy(?) type like your mum. And yes, they will come to you to complain.. my mum does that tooo. I just say yeah... It is what it is. And when you feel that's enough, just tell them you're tired and want to go to bed. That's what I do. @Captain24 

My mum doesn't fight back. She just lets my dad go on and on and she walks off. It's really funny. I would be yelling and screaming. 

But the fact that you are not comfy to be in the middle of it is another matter. Where does fear come into it? Is it that you think they will do something to each other or you?

[Captain24]

It’s constant @tyme. Every time I’m alone with one of them I get it. My psych said to say he/she is your wife/husband. I’m hoping it works. 

Also I think my brother may be nicer to me when we all have dinner. Will I think he should be anyway. 

I would just shy away. I can’t handle conflict or being rejected. I also can’t stand up for myself. 

The fear is if either of them snap. This time last year dad raised his fist. But mostly is because I can’t handle it generally but I’m not in the headspace to have to take it.