I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hope you are okay. @Captain24 

[Captain24]

Not really @tyme 

Im considering emailing my psych for an appointment but I don’t want to be a bother. 

[tyme]

I've have felt that in the past that I don't want to be a bother. And I'm sure you often feel that way.

Would you consider just emailing them and if they can squeeze you in, take it. And if they can't squeeze you in, then also accept that?

There's no harm in trying? @Captain24 

That's how I would handle it.

I remember not wanting to call psych triage because I didn't want to 'bother' my case manager. In the end, I called psych triage anyway, and if my case manager responded, good. But if not, it was also okay. 

That's how I viewed it.

[Captain24]

Actually.. she told me to if I needed her and she would make time. @tyme. So I know she will see me but that’s why I  feel like a bother. That’s how concerned she is. 

I did manage to self regulate twice today. I have a spiky ring and I now take it to work (my psychs suggestion to keep me from dissociating) so I used it. Then at crib time I burnt myself so I put ice on it and I kinda get the idea behind using ice

[tyme]

But look, you may email, but she may not get to the email in time, or she may not have time or who knows? Just give it a go. It's not a bother I guess. @Captain24 I can see she is concerned.

Well done on being able to self-regulate today - and twice! I'm mindful that this is a huge achievement. Good on you. 

What is this spiky ring? Are they hard spikes? You know what used to help me stay grounded? These mini spiky things:

I used to go for walks and squeeze these in my palms. The feeling was so satisfying and grounding. 

[Captain24]

I emailed her @tyme. I’ll hear from her tomorrow and the appointment will be Tuesday while I’m suppose to be asleep for nightshift. 

It was a massive achievement. I’m a little shocked. I’ve just put water in the freezer to make ice cubes.

This is the ring. My psychs suggestion had one when I was in hospital and it helped me then. You roll it up and down your fingers but today I just squeezed it really tight and it did hurt a little which was good. I don’t see those spiky things around. 

 

[tyme]

Nice @Captain24 ! I like that spiky thing! I think it would be so helpful. I'm going to look online. So is it only as small as something to go around your finger? Or is it big? It's hard to tell the size from the photo.

Oh, what a bummer that you don't have these mini pine cone-ish things around you. I don't even know what tree that come from - pine tree? Duh? But all I know is that it feels really soothing to squeeze them in your hand very hard when emotions run high.

As for the ice cubes, that's a great idea! I don't use ice cubes much because I don't want water everywhere. But I guess you can put it in a zip lock bag or something? 

Keep hanging in there @Captain24 . I am so proud of your achievement today. I believe in you.

Btw, do you know what my la-la niece said yesterday? "Mum, when I asked for siblings, you never showed me the terms and conditions, nor the privacy policy. If I knew about these, I wouldn't have asked for siblings!"

My sister answered as blase as my niece spoke, "Well you never asked for it. Part of the terms as conditions is that you needed to ask for it."

[Captain24]

It’s literally ring size. I got it from my sensory store @tyme. I have to do all my shopping online! 

I’m ok with water if it may actually help. 

I did spend most of the morning crying. I hate being told what to do. For the last 3 days I’ve been told Im doing everything wrong, told how to do it. It’s really all getting to me. It’s all too much. 

OMG.. She never ceases to impress me. Your sister did well to respond so well so quickly! 

I saw your grieving thread. Are you ok? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

That spiky ring thing is super! I'm going to look into getting some. I'll put some in my car so I can use them as needed. 

As for people telling you that you are doing everything wrong, who are they? As much as I want to 'imagine' what your workplace is like, I just don't get it. I'm guessing that people are all in their different trucks and you talk on the two-way? I really wish I can see it in real life to say, "A-ha! I get it!" But at the moment, it feels like a guessing game. I find it a really cool industry though. One thing that's scary is when I read about mine collapses. I get a shiver up my spine and I think of you - always.

And with my sister, she's really quick so I'm not surprised with her response to my niece. Actually, the other day, I went for a walk with my niece and I was asking her why she is always answering back to her parents and arguing. She straigtaway said, "I've got mum's genes - that's why!"

Just can't win with this kid.

As for the grief thread, it's been a big day for a number of our forums members. I'm pretty okay. Saddened, but okay. Thanks for asking.

I'm sorry if I don't get to respond to your next post. 

[Captain24]

Picture a roadworks site and they have all the equipment and the only way they can communicate with each other is via a 2 way. @tyme. It’s kinda like that just on a massively bigger scale. I hope that helps a little.

It’s other workers. It’s just like noting I do is right. Everyone feels the need to criticise me (ok maybe that’s an over exaggeration but it feels like it) The bosses haven’t chimed in but they did hear my argument the other day and let it go. 

I have use the I’m my mothers daughter line once or twice myself. Sometimes positively sometimes negatively. 

Im sorry that you’re saddened. I kinda thought as much. It seems like a lot is changing and happening in your world. I think I’m reading between the lines correctly? Which is where my concern is coming from. I do really care.