I can’t cope

[Christheart]

@Captain24 Good morning dear friend, 

I hope you are feeling better. Are you a breakfast person? If so, what will you be making?

I'm thinking of you and hoping you are being kind to yourself today. I'm so sorry these dark thoughts and childhood traumas are causing you such stress right now. 

Are you able to talk to anyone about these things? I think CBT therapy is useful with dealing with that sort of trauma. 

I know how hard it is... You're in my thoughts and prayers. Make sure you eat something and keep hydrated ok

Christheart

[Captain24]

Good afternoon @Christheart 

Hope you are having a great day! 

I did feel better this morning. Thanks for checking! I did a little bit of housework, some ironing and some washing. 

I have started to go down hill a bit so I called online. It was interesting I now know that what happened in my childhood was trauma and understand why it’s coming forward now.

It was hard to call and open up completely but I did it. Then to distract me I cooked bacon and eggs for lunch and even done the dishes after. Lol. Big win for me! Now I have to process all that was said. 

Im exhausted after that though. I need to come up with a self care plan for afternoons and evenings. Just not sure where to start. 

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

Captain24💕

[Former-Member]

That's a massive win @Captain24! So happy and proud of you. 😊

I thought this might be a helpful link to start thinking about the areas where you might want to identify self care in: https://drdansiegel.com/healthy-mind-platter/ I find it super helpful to identify the areas that I've been avoiding. 

Sirius✨

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

So great to hear from you! I was thinking about how you've been progressing since last night. 

It sounds like a bit of rest helped you reset a little.

I'm so impressed that you had the courage to reach out again today! Well done!

I'll catch-up again with you later today. Let me know if you need a chat 🙂

tyme

[Captain24]

Thanks @Former-Member it took a lot for me to reach out. I had a look at that link but I think I need to look at it in the morning when hopefully my head is a little clearer. 

@tyme Thanks. I opened up about absolutely everything. I didn’t leave anything behind. I now have so much more to sort through. 

My triggers for heading back into the deep darkness are what you’ve said. When I’m tired and late afternoon into the evening. So I need to come up with a plan to help. 

I also didn’t realise that my rough childhood is actually classed as trauma. That was hard to hear. I can usually push it to the back but she said that maybe the reason I can’t now is because I’m in such a dark place and to get out I need to work through it. It is also the reason I am the way I am now. Not sure on how to do it but hopefully when I see the Pdoc they will help. 

I also need to find alternatives to SH to release the pain instead of my current way.

I have so much that I need to learn and understand and it’s making it darker and harder. I’m back in that place. I just hope I can learn when my head is clear. 

Sorry to unload on you. It’s hard when I have no where else to turn

Captain24 

[Christheart]

@Captain24 my day was ok. I stayed in bed just relaxing until 12. Got up made toast and coffee. Read some bible, got dressed, went and paid a doctors bill. Went to the chiropractor, she said my neck had a lot going on. Then my dad took me to the movies to see top gun. I was a bit nervous to go out but it was a really good movie. I liked it a lot. My grandpa was a pilot, and he collected aeroplanes, including a miles messenger that flew in ww2. So airforce stuff is kind of cool to me!

I also find the idea of calling a helpline, terrifying. Talking on the phone to someone I know is terrifying, let alone a stranger! 

You've done well to call up and recognising that you really needed support to figure this out. No wonder you are exhausted. 

A night time wind down routine is so important!!! It doesn't always work, but mine has become a comfort to me even in crisis moments. A hot shower (for the sensory relaxation) is an important part of mine, as well as making a cup of tea and watching something. Then taking my medication,  and finally reading a book until about 10pm and then lights out. This routine has been keeping me alive really... it's something I can rely on even when my thoughts are so chaotic. 

I hope today has been kind to you 💖

Christheart

[Captain24]

Sounds like a great afternoon @Christheart.

Hope the Chiro sorted it out for you. I have a monthly booked app for the Chiro! Thanks awesome about your grandpa. 

Thanks for your routine. I’ll grab some ideas off it.

Its been a hard day and I’m not in a good place but at least I’ve got somewhere to start to get through this. 
I’ve got a lot to try and shift through but I have to look at it as the start of healing. 

Hope you have a chilled night and sleep well

Captain24 💕

[tyme]

Hi @Captain24 ,

You've got a good attitude. You are very brave in reaching out. I agree, it is the start of recovery.

All the best,

tyme

[Captain24]

I hope so @tyme 

It’s really overwhelming what I have to try and sort through and I’m scared that I can’t do it. But I do have to try. It would just be nice to have someone that could help me but I guess I just have to do it myself. 

I don’t know how to process my childhood and I think to get through I need to get that sorted. 

I can’t stay in this place much longer. Im sick of it and I can’t keep doing it. I’m scared. 

[tyme]

You have every right to feel scared @Captain24 . The fact that you have reached out is a testiment to your desire to make change.

Have you checked whether you are eligible for our new guided service? https://www.sane.org/referral

It would be great to see through this period of time with added support from a regular peer worker and counsellor over the phone for a course of approximately 12 weeks.

I'm interested hear what you think about it and whether you are eligible. You can self-refer which means you do NOT need a clinician or professional to refer you.

tyme