My Mosaic

[AuntGlow]

@Bow I am with you, I understand that feeling very well... it will feel like home soon. But I am curious to know if there is one thing that always feels like 'home', something that is consistent for you? Sometimes connecting to those things can really help. Mine is music, for example. ☺️

It sounds like Disney is always a source of grounding for you. I am sorry that you aren't happy with the ears at the moment. I am sure when your room is feeling more 'put together' everything will feel so much lighter. 

And honestly, you sound like you've been so proactive and busy being creative - we need to acknowledge all of your efforts here. 🤩

I see... that must feel so frustrating. Choice and agency within your healing journey is really, really important. It's something the more clinical world is still learning how to implement, I think. But it's something support workers get, and it sounds like yours is really listening by asking questions. 

I can hear how challenging things have been, but I am very glad to hear you are feeling like medication is helping. The relentless inside chatter can be so exhausting... there's a lot here, so I am wondering, what is the one thing you'd like to focus on tonight? 

Also, no apology needed! Always here to listen. 💛

[AuntGlow]

So glad to hear you are working on safety tonight. What's your plan for the next hour? 

Also, please know, it's okay to feel all of this. I know it's really overwhelming, but I am here with you. 💗 @Bow 

[Bow]

Thanks @AuntGlow  and thank you for responding to my earlier message, I don’t have much capacity to respond tonight, but I will. 

im watching tv with mum at the moment. Staying around people helps. But I’m living in my own little here…. mum really knows nothing of what goes on inside my head. The storm. The darkness.

[AuntGlow]

That's okay, I get that. We are here for you when you need, alright? I think it's good that mum is with you. Any thoughts you need to share, you can write them here. ☺️💛 @Bow 

[rav3n]

hey @Bow popping in to send you some gentle hugs 💗 hope mr sloth can keep you warm tonight. 

oh and how did the ikea shopping go? (if you're not in the headspace for answering this, that's totally okay too no stress)

[Bow]

My eating disorder thoughts leading me down a pretty dark path tonight @AuntGlow  mostly triggered by the shower that I really needed to have. 
you know I use to be a shower every day kinda girl. No matter what, I had to have a shower every morning. It’s how i started my day. Now I’m lucky if I have one twice a week- very ashamed to admit. And washing my hair, that’s so much worse. And it’s made more difficult in our new house as I have an ensuite with a massive freaking mirror staring at me. I get dressed with my eyes shut now and in the dark. 
but yeah, that’s triggered me tonite. Lotsa bad thoughts. This all feels very unending. Don’t see my terrible thoughts ever getting better. Hate my body so much. So much that I could just end it. 

[Bow]

Hi @rav3n  i am I looking forward to crawling into bed and snuggling up with Mr sloth. 

ikea was good. Bought home a care load of stuff

[AuntGlow]

I understand and I really wish I could take all those inner thoughts away, give you a hug, and remind you that you are a beautiful human - exactly as you are.

But I know how hard these unrelenting thoughts can be and I don't want to dismiss that - it's really, really painful. 😔💛

I recall Jynx redirecting some of these thoughts to how your body helps you engage with the world. What are some things you are grateful for that it does for you? 

(Please let me know if this is triggering, I would rather know what doesn't work for you than make things more vulnerable.) 💗 @Bow 

[Bow]

I unfortunately don’t find much very helpful yet @AuntGlow the thing in my head that screams at me is just too loud and big. But the fact that you have given space and let me talk is helpful? Not all understand or even try to. So thank you

it just really sucks being stuck in my body

[rav3n]

@Bow sounds cosy, i need to hurry up and find myself a mr sloth too!! 

ooo nice! are you managing to get some rest now? or still busy with the settling in? hope your body pain is easing up.