Time away from forums

[Jynx]

@creative_writer oh for sure, I hope tonight brings you some very restful slumber! 

Hmm well the only way to determine if he's a good fit would be to meet up and get to know him - which of course, you don't have to do if you don't want to. As for loss of independence well... In my experience, healthy relationships foster a healthy independence, where each person is there to support and encourage, but not to choose or control. If he does stuff that feels controlling, well you know he's not a good match. 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I always seem to come up with reasons on why I should thread with extra caution.

I’ve also been feeling lonely, I feel like an outsider in my own family even though I would say I’m close to them. The masking gets exhausting and draining. You have to mask to a certain level in a workplace, but I’m not really getting that break at home

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I imagine that is tied to hypervigilance, from the PTSD yeah? Makes sense, and the best way to overcome it afaik is by forming healthy relationships with consistency, mutual independence and mutual support, etc. to basically re-teach the survival system that close relationships don't automatically put you on your guard. 

As for family - it does absolutely suck to feel lonely even when around others. Especially when those others are supposed to be our closest/most trusted relationships. I'm curious though, what would they do/say if you unmasked around them? Like I posted this over on the Toolshed: 

So what would be the best, worst, most likely, and most insane outcomes for unmasking around family you reckon? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it probably is a trauma response from various traumas, including enmeshment trauma.

Sometimes I’ll feel emotionally overwhelmed but will keep the emotions in so nobody knows. I guess I’m afraid of feeling judged and rejected. I fear rejection so much. Social anxiety is probably a trauma response in itself. Trauma wants you to avoid

[Jynx]

@creative_writer mm rejection can be rough. Though like anything with PTSD, sensitivity to rejection is one that can be worked on/managed, especially with some exposure therapy. Like with my ADHD my RSD is pretty gnarly, but it used to be a hell of a lot worse. I still feel dejected if I'm rejected, but I am much better at not taking it quite so personally. Like the emotions will still arise but I won't entertain the thoughts that accompany them - the assumptions about my likeability and worth and stuff. 

Best way to overcome rejection sensitivity is to go out and get rejected. Repeatedly. Until you're used to the feeling, and your survival system no longer goes into overdrive because of it. 

[Glisten]

Good point @Jynx desensitise yourself. Turn it into a numbers game.

@creative_writer +7 Billion people in the world.

When I was at Uni there was this guy that constantly interrupted the lecture.

Drove me nuts. Then I noticed a friend of mine was keeping a tally - LOL

😂 G

[creative_writer]

@Jynx and @Glisten I think rejection hits hard because it makes me feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I know there are people out there I will connect with but those people are rare. It is true that you do need to expose yourself in order to cope with social anxiety and RSD. Uni has meant I’ve had to expose myself at times, but that’s not to say it isn’t still hard

[Jynx]

@Glisten yeah weirdly enough I learned this from door-to-door charity fundraising! It's all a numbers game hehe. 

@creative_writer yeah for sure, finding 'your people' can be super challenging. And anything that requires us to deny, ignore, or otherwise push past our survival instincts is always going to be super challenging. I'm glad uni has provided a bit of opportunity!

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it certainly has helped. I think that’s the thing about work, being in contact with people reduces anxiety over time. Lockdown did not help.

I came across a rather unpleasant client today, while it made me uncomfortable but it didn’t sweep me completely off balance which would’ve happened two years ago. I wonder if I’ve become somewhat de-sensitised. The trauma response isn’t as strong as it once was

[Snowie]

Evening @creative_writer 

Hoping your day went ok

💕💕