Time away from forums

[creative_writer]

@Snowie the anger is kicking in.

I hope you are doing okay 💖

[Snowie]

Anger is a hard emotion to sit with, especially if you are holding it within @creative_writer 

Is there a way to release some of it? Screaming into a pillow, hitting something, anything that might be able to help.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie so much injustice in this world is infuriating. Too many people who do shitty things. Maybe having first hand experience and talking to other survivors makes things hard

[creative_writer]

I know one shouldn’t self-diagnose, but sometimes I wonder if I have avoidant personality disorder and that explains my relationship difficulties. Either way, it’s a trauma response to not want to rely on anyone but me

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

I cringe at the term personality disorder because it makes people think there's something innately wrong with someone's personality and that's just not true.

Do you think having a name for what you are experiencing is helpful for you?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I hate it too, but I’ve known for a long time I have features. Though I reckon there is an overlap between cptsd and AVPD. It helps me understand, but do I want another label?

We get lots of BDP clients at my placement and a lot have a lot of trauma. I would argue trauma causes personality disorders, sometimes trauma isn’t so obvious and can be subtle at times too. It’s stupid to it’s impossible to go into remission and it’s always going to be like that, everyone is on an individual journey

[tyme]

I have to say, because of trauma, I was seen to have an avoidant 'personality' yet in my recovery, I've been able to move towards things, and I'm sure people don't see me that way anymore. 

If you met me 10 years ago, I am NOTHING like what I am now.

Therefore, I have to say that situations may cause people to demonstrate avoidant behaviours, yet this also gives me hope that situations can also allow people to change that.

What do you think @creative_writer ? Any thoughts?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I do believe in recovery. AVPD is similar to social anxiety in a way, you have to be de-sensitised through baby steps. I do have social anxiety and I see lots of overlap from that, I’m always self conscious, I fear rejection. My social anxiety is a trauma response in itself. I know they say personality disorder are present through one’s life. I honestly feel sometimes it’s possible to not meet the criteria later down the track. My supervisor has seen BDP in remission, I reckon AVPD can also go into remission

[tyme]

100% @creative_writer  BPD is VERY treatable. 

This reminds me. A few years ago, I studied personalities. In this, the research was around people being born with certain personalities and are therefore more prone to some conditions. HOWEVER, environmental factors can 'switch' these elements of personality on and off. Hence, what you shared about trauma is so true in this case. It can turn off the need for connection but turn on the alarm system for avoidance.

But as you said, you can go into remission. I've proved it.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I honestly feel like when I start to feel more safe, the avoidant behaviours will reduce. But getting to that point of safety is the hard part. I also have a tendency to hyperfocus on the tendencies as opposed to how far I’ve come