Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Farmboy]

My darling wife has undiagnosed BPD, the symptoms include: 1. Self sabotaging behaviour 2. No filter on what she says 3. Very angry 4. Struggles with her identity and place in community 5. Threatening behaviour towards others, often extremely violent and vicious threats, usually directed at me (her carer) 6. Wild mood swings she can write me the most beautiful. love letters one day and is then threatening me with violence the next. 7. Tumultuous relationships with other family members 8. Swings from idolisation one day to extreme loathing the next 9. Risky behaviour and impulsivity It has brought our 32year relationship to its knees, however I love her so much I refuse to give up on her and forgive her everything 1000 times multiplied by 1000 times

[BlueBay]

does BPD come with childhood trauma? @cloudcore @tyme @Daisydreamer 

[Jillaroo]

That is awesome @Determined. So good to hear that your little boy has his mummy and your little family is supporting each other.

[tyme]

@Determined ,

I can definitely see how hard it was for you for your wife not to bond with your youngest.

BPD seems to affect mostly relationships. I can see it from your darling's side - if she doesn't bond, then she won't get hurt. This is because the pain of getting hurt is so real and so painful, that it is better to avoid attachment in the beginning.

Do you think this relates?

[cloudcore]

@Determined wow that 90km cycle sounds like such a challenging activity, but it's amazing that you are both able to find shared interests to promote your wellbeings and have fun! Finding things to do with your wife outside your caring responsibilities is a great step for managing burnout 😊

[Farmboy]

In my wife's case yes, her ex brother in law who is 11 years herseniortried to sexually assault when she 15 while she was sleeping

[BlueBay]

oh @Farmboy  you are a sweetheart.  I have been married for 36 years and my hubby has stuck by me too.  I can relate to some things that your wife does too.  

[Daisydreamer]

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@BlueBay wrote:

gee @Daisydreamer  where do i start!!

1. fits of anger
2. mixture of emotions in seconds
3. my emotions stay with me for days
4. impulsivity in buying online
5. thoughts of suicide
6. self harm by stopping my meds (at times)
7. sometimes not knowing my boundary
8. seeking assistance or assurance
9. needing reasurrance to not be abandoned
10.  

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@BlueBay  thank you so much for sharing the experience of BPD for you I am sure lots of people here posting and reading can relate to recognising some of these experiences in their loved ones lives 🙂 

"Emotion in seconds" is something @tyme spoke of too- the way you phrased this Tyme, that the experience of emotion is felt so deeply is so important. Depth of emotion can mean experiencing the world in a deep and unique way, it can come with incredible strengths, but can also mean feeling pain deeply too  

[Determined]

@Farmboy , I can see so many parallels in your story.

It has brought our 32year relationship to its knees, however I love her so much I refuse to give up on her and forgive her everything 1000 times multiplied by 1000 times

We have been at this place many times, and I also refuse to give up...

Things I once thought as deal breakers, with help I have been able to get past 😥

[BlueBay]

@Farmboy i am sorry that happened to your wife when she was 15.  I too was sexually abused by 3 different guys when i was 9-12 years old.