Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[DisEase]

Hello,

My 23yr old daughter is currently in an acute psychiatric ward due to meth induced psychosis. She was admitted May 17th. She also has been previously diagnosed with BPD. 

We need to decide what happens once she leaves the hospital, whether she comes to live with us or not. Weighing everything up I am leaning towards not but this is tearing me up inside. I feel much guilt. Any advice would be very helpful from any with lived experience. 

[Ainjoule]

Hey @DisEase 

That sounds like a difficult situation. My parents asked me to leave home when I was about 19 because I was unwell and it wasn't working for the household. I won't say it wasn't difficult at the time but I also enjoyed my independence and I built a life outside of my parent's home. Personally, I didn't have a job at the time and I was going to be homeless so I applied and was granted access to the priority wait list for the housing department. 

I would also say to you that self care is so very important. Maintaining your own sense of self during this time will lead to you being a better support for her. Good on you for coming to the forums for support.

[DisEase]

Thank you, Ainjoule

[Libra]

@DisEase , hello 

I could relate to your story so much. My son (mid 30s) was also admitted to a mental health ward, after meth abuse. His behaviour had been erratic for some time. 

He stayed in hospital at one time for 9 weeks and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He was put on a community treatment order and he gets his medication every fortnight. That has been for some years now.

He doesn't live me, and I can understand how torn you are, but it is way too stressful for me. I see him most days and take him groceries and do his washing. Some days he is my beautiful boy again, other days he is extremely angry with me, it's a roller-coaster.  He still uses drugs...

Thanks for listening to my story, I wish you and your daughter all the best, don't forget to take care of yourself. 

Cheers @Libra. xo

[tyme]

Hi there @Libra , Thank you for sharing your experiences. I hope wish your and your son well in recovery. 

I can see you have set clear boundaries with him, yet you also continue to help him.

I hear how torn parents can feel in such a circumstance. 

I hope you find ways to look after yourself.

[tyme]

Hey @DisEase ,

I'm hearing you. I hear how hard it must be.

I have BPD. I know first hand what it is to have people around me doing things for me in love and care. Yet in the end, I needed space to find myself.

Does your daughter's behaviour case harm to you in any way?

As much as I cannot tell you what to do, for me, I needed time and space away from family. Not because they didn't care, but because I needed to stop having people around me to blame for my own actions. At 19, I moved out. I don't regret this because I needed to take responsibility for my behaviour. Whilst I had family around, I could turn and blame them for things that went 'wrong'.

I hear how hard it is to say to you own child that they cannot return to live with you. Things to consider:

- do you think you can be firm enough to set and keep clear boundaries with your child if they return home?

- are you being harmed in any way if they are living at home with you?

- do you have enough wellbeing supports to have your child at home with you?

- can supports be in place to help them live independently?

- What does your child want to do?

I wish you all the best. We support you in whatever you decide to do.

[Dimity]

Hello @DisEase 

It's a difficult situation for you all, and a difficult decision.

As someone with lived experience I'd suggest the most important thing is to consult your daughter and involve her in the decision-making.  Many years ago at 26 I lost my autonomy when my parents packed up and closed my flat after my first major psychotic break. It took a while to get back on my feet.

Your daughter may well prefer to remain independent and that may assuage your guilt. Or she may express the need for some support that you can negotiate. 

Her financial situation and accommodation options, and availability of other partner, family and friendship supports will also factor into what is possible. But it's not a decision set in stone. Her needs and preferences - and yours - will no doubt evolve in the weeks and months ahead, especially as her treatment and prognosis settle.

You'll need to assert your own needs and perhaps those of her younger siblings. 

I trust it's a conversation that's possible for you all. If it's likely to be difficult perhaps someone on your daughter's MH team can help facilitate it.

Good luck and best wishes. 

Dimity.