Older Parent with Borderline Personality Disorder

[MadScientist]

@BPDSurvivorThank you for this, I can see my mum in your words! I have recently discovered that my mum's erratic and confusing behaviour is highly likely to be associated with borderline, and it is such a relief, although very sad. It is reassuring to see such a supportive community here that gets it! Cheers. Ps @Olliesmum i hope you are feeling better re: your mother's behaviour

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @MadScientist ,

Im glad to hear. 

Also, you're welcome to join us at Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script where it is encourage that people reach out about BPD, seek advice, seek a place to vent (respectfully), share experiences, ask questions, support one another. I'd be delighted to have you join us!

BPDSurvivor

[MadScientist]

Hi @Shaz51, I know there's not much activity on this post as of late, but I could use a friendly soul to help me navigate my experiences at the moment.

I recently discovered that my mum's erratic behaviour is highly likely to be borderline related (although you would never get her to be formally diagnosed as, the problem lies with "everyone else", not her). I feel like she fits 99% of the criteria however I don't think she exhibits suicidal tendencies but could other self destructive behaviour include abusive phone calls and spending sprees?

It's really hard having a parent who is unwell and unaware/unwilling to understand the impact of their behaviour on others, especially their own children. I know my mother can be empathetic (I've seen her cry at many movies or TV shows), but she seems unable to consider how her closest feel. Sure, she'll ask me in conversation how I'm feeling, but it's purely lip service so she can find another moment to continue talking about herself. I once timed how long she spoke for uninterrupted while I was visiting and it reached 30 minutes before I had to excuse myself for "the bathroom".

It's exhausting, confusing and upsetting. I feel guilty for feeling this way about my own mother, and I've had filial obligation thrown in my face constantly whenever I do something she doesn't approved. It's exhausting, and along with the gaslighting very disorienting.

Can anyone give advice on how they cope with a borderline family member or parent? And any advice on boundary setting? 

[MadScientist]

Thank you, it looks great! Cheers @@BPDSurvivor