Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Cindy8]

Hello everyone!

I am new to this Forum and got here to get some support/views/advice from anyone that might be experiencing something similar to me..

My daughter has just turned 34 and was living in a toxic relationship for a few months.  Prior to that, she lost someone she loved very much to suicide.  After this, she has been diagnosed with BPD and has had a few psychotic episodes.  She has been able to recover slowly and get back to some normality, but they have been occurring more often and closer together.

Only two weeks ago, she had a significant one in which Police was involved.  She basically got dropped off at my front door with no explanation.. She has a story, her ex has another one.

I basically had to pack all her belongings from the house she was living in and move her to mine.

At the start she was really 'with it', trying hard to rebuild her life and look after her pets; but in the last few days she has gone on a constant 'high', losing grasp on reality and even empathy for others.

I am starting a very demanding new job on Monday, which I have been waiting for to finalise for almost a year!  

I am just at my wit's end and sick with worry to leave her at home for long hours and 5 days in a row a week with my very anxious puppy.

She hasn't been violent here, but her behaviour is so erratic and childish.

She is supposed to be on medication [edited by moderator] for her ADHD condition, but I am not sure if she is taking it.

All she does is drink coffee, giggle to herself, talk aloud and not respect the fact that people need to sleep at 2.30 am

At this moment she said she was going on an 'adventure'.  Left the house at 4.30 am

The fact that she is 34 and not doing anything harmful makes me absolutely helpless.  She insists that she is feeling the best ever and super happy, and that nothing is wrong with her.

I just feel sick with worry and tied down, and sick with worry and more tied down.

Anyway, I don't want to write a whole book here 🙂

Just wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything like this with a loved one.

Cheers, and thank you for accepting me in this forum ❤️

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums!

Thank you for sharing. 

I'm sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. I recognise it is very difficult to be working, whilst there is someone so vulnerable at home. @Cindy8 

Are there professional supports in place for her? It sounds like a lot to bear on your own.

[Cindy8]

• Hello there!
  We have various groups and experts on the phone that can help my daughter.  The problem is that she doesn't see a problem! And she's refusing to see any professional.. Until she gets another psychotic episode and ambulance stuff sees it, my hands are tied up, unfortunately 😞

[tyme]

Actually, you are quite right there @Cindy8 . In recovery, unless the person wants change, it's hard for them to have the initiative to do anything different.

Have you sat down to have a chat to her and ask her "Do you like the way you are living at the moment? Is there anything you hope can be different?" 

These are some crucial questions that are needed.

Also, have you thought about some boundaries you can talk through with her e.g. you can stay here for XYZ months but we will help you look for another place. 

Boundaries can also be around her helping around the house, helping to pay bills etc.

[Cindy8]

Hello @tyme 

Yes, we both have talked about boundaries.  She doesn't have any money at the moment, so I am helping financially until she can sort something out.  My boundary here was her pets.  I can afford giving her a roof over her head, food on the table and the cost of household goods; but she has 5 cats (which are in her ex husband's care at the moment), 3 fish and a horse.  I have helped so far, but sat down yesterday with her and told her I cannot do that on a regular basis.

Regarding the question about the way she is living... well... she is on a 'high' at this moment and loving life to the point that she doesn't realise there are some responsibilities and her outlook right now is very egocentric.

I know my daughter well, we are extremely close, and who I am dealing with at present is not my daughter!  Nothing like her at all... so yeah.. It's good to see her happy rather than depressed; but it's the unrealistic type of happiness with no care about anything or anyone else in the world.

Sadly, I am expecting her to fall from that altitude sooner or later and that's when we get the opposite case... roller coaster effect... 😕