Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

I feel like I’ve lost trust in this world. I’m scared of being hurt again. I realise not all men objectify women. But I’m tired of being objectified while existing as a woman

[tyme]

Sorry to hear these thoughts are continually present. @creative_writer 

I'd encourage you to consider what is within your control and focus on that.

[creative_writer]

@tyme it’s worse today, not even sure why. I thought I was getting better, but I hit a brick this afternoon. I added a supplement (that was okay with my meds and bipolar) recently because I was building tolerance to PRN.

Sometimes the brain refuses to brain. I’m just disheartened and depressed. My cup is empty. Maybe it’s a bump on the healing road, though I sort of wish my neurotransmitters were better able to balance themselves

[tyme]

I'm sorry @creative_writer , it just seems like these thoughts are forever going on and on and on, and it's so hard to see you like this day in and day out. I don't know what else to say. These thoughts just seem so pervasive and chronic.

I wonder if focusing the the things within your control will be more helpful?

So, what IS in your control?

[tyme]

I should also add, it's important that you keep your posts recovery oriented, in line with Community Guidelines. https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/community-guidelines @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme I said I was getting better from the supplement. If that’s not recovery-orientated enough the I’ll leave. I was just having a rough day today, worse than usual

[tyme]

Hearing you @creative_writer .

I hope things improve with the supplement and all the other things you are doing to help yourself. 

Did you get up to much today?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I need to talk to my pdoc about the tolerance thing. The PRN helped to a certain extent, but I was still agitated and struggling with sleep. So I looked for some assistance elsewhere. My sleep has improved, not perfect, but I’m getting an okay quantity. The thing is, changes always take time.

I did Lifeline module training, was struggling to concentrate and got anxious from lack of concentration. I drank some chamomile lavender tea which helped me feel a bit better. I didn’t have much this afternoon, was just a bit emotional so got lost in thoughts. Afternoon is my vulnerable time.

I think reflecting upon my mental state earlier, I may have coded physical touch with power. I can do physical touch to some extent as long as it’s not romantic and if it’s from people I know. I know love exists, but it’s hard for me to ever imagine someone loving me romantically and being gentle and respectful

[tyme]

Yes, you're right. Any lasting changes take time and it's a total change in how we perceive things. @creative_writer 

It takes time, energy and effort. I'm mindful that sometimes when things are really tough, there is so little energy reserve left to do anything else including, i guess, the lifeline modules.

For me, I feel the proactive strategies are more effective. So I do a lot of positive self talk and deep breathing so things don't escalate. It seems like such a 'simple' idea, but for me, it works.

[creative_writer]

@tyme the nervous system takes time to calm down. I have been very exhausted today, regaining energy can take time too.

I’ve already logged in the thoughts. I don’t think I fully realised that until today that I may be afraid that’ll I’ll lose control over my body. Control is taken away in traumatic experiences, but I know they say in love it’s different. I am still afraid