Don’t want to accept the pain

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yeah totally, I remember when I was first properly learning about OCD and like, soooo much of media focuses on the compulsions but the majority of the distress initiates in the intrusive thoughts - the compulsions are just the brain's desperate attempt to manage it, but then also become a feedback loop of distress when they too become intrusive and repetitive. 

Huh, interesting that it's kind of a theme? Makes you wonder about intergenerational trauma hey. It sucks that it is also isolating, like it sounds like even if many family members can relate, it's still under that social taboo so no one feels like they can talk to one another about it. 

[rav3n]

i hear you @creative_writer the overseas aspect does make it harder. 

aww i get that. my age gap with my younger sis is smaller, like 3.5 but still, she's always got my heart. even when she's a brat hehe. 

i think being a big sis, and her knowing your MH to some extent will maybe encourage her to lean on you too when things get heavy. she's lucky to have you.

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it is very true the media focuses a lot on compulsions. I’m not saying I don’t have compulsions, but I think my intrusive thoughts are more disruptive. I’ve had disruptive intrusive thoughts since I was in school. It hasn’t always been the same type.

There is a lot of taboo around MH, it does make it hard to discuss the thoughts. However, germaphobia has sort of become normalised among my immediate family and some extended family. Plenty of my relatives won’t even bat an eye for me sanitising and wiping.

@rav3n my younger sister will always be a baby for me and she knows that. She hates being treated like a baby. They say adolescence is until 25, and she is below 25. She has the youth mindset. I’m old by comparison. I do think she is more likely to lean to me than I am

[creative_writer]

I don’t even know how to say this on the forums, I don’t want to open anyone’s wounds.

OCD is rearing its ugly head. It’s hard for me. I come from a conservative Muslim background. I have never dated, never been in a relationship. Yet, I’ve had unwanted experiences. It doesn’t feel right. I stay quiet a lot to protect others, but I’m tired

[rav3n]

@creative_writer you deserve to be heard. i can hear how the OCD side of things makes it hard to let go of those thoughts. but even when the negative thoughts keep popping up, know that it doesn't make it any truer.

you did not deserve what happened to you. you are still just as worthy before and now. sending you healing energy 💜

[creative_writer]

@rav3n it is hard. The thoughts can get so loud, even though I know on a logical level the thoughts are true. But I think I’ve been feeling so lonely. Lonely struggles are hard