I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I came here specifically to check-in with you and see how you are. I haven’t been much on the forums the past two days or so, so I wanted to see how things are for you.

Hang on, wouldn’t that count as ‘caring’?

Thinking of you, tyme

[Captain24]

Wow really? @tyme 

Thank you so much for checking in and caring! Awesome I now feel guilty too! Lol

That means so so much more to me than you realise.. 

You are a kind soul.

Thank you

[tyme]

Yes really @Captain24 ,

I said I would see you through, and I mean it. So each time I log on for a shift, I check for your whereabouts and how you are going.

I know you have it in you, and I can see you have been making progress even if you don’t feel it. Although it seems dark for you, I see the flame of hope within you. Now it’s for the community here to fan that flame so that the light shines through. But ultimately, you have the reigns.

Recovery Is about you, and for you. It’s your journey. I can’t take the journey for you, but I can walk the journey with you.

tyme

[Captain24]

I do feel some progress @tyme. I now go to better hoping for a better day and more mornings than not there is some light. So I’m taking that as progress.

Just when I get to this place I struggle. Also not every night do I feel unsafe. It’s still very dark every single night but not always unsafe. So I’m hoping that’s progress to. 

I go back to work tomorrow and yea I’m scared but it’s the short block so only 2 days and 2 nights. So I’m not as scared as last time. 

It’s just the moments like now that I can’t see any light. But in a lot of other moments I can some light. It is only a small light but it is there 

[tyme]

You are right @Captain24 . And in the past, I found typing on these forums helped me reflect on where I was in my recovery. I’m not sure if you find it helps with reflection too.

But yes, the light IS there - somewhere. All the best with your shifts in the next few days.

[Captain24]

Trying to unwind after dinner. My heart is racing just trying to settle it down. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. 

It wasn’t to bad. Dad got told he was ‘stupid’ once and ‘useless’ 3 times. So I guess I was lucky I only got one ‘useless’ and one ‘don’t you know anything’. 

I just don’t need to hear it right now when I tell myself that enough. 

[Captain24]

I’ve woken up quite anxious this morning. Not only am I worried about work as due to all the rain my workplace is going to be quite a dangerous place. But 2 of the roads I take to get to work are closed due to flooding. The only bypass isn’t closed but has water over the road. This bypass is a rural road and I’ve never actually driven on it before. So my first time will be in the pitch dark with not knowing where the turn off or where the water is.

To top it off my garage is flooded and half of my backyard is ankle deep water.

I do realise I am lucky though compared to many others who are in a way worse situation. My thoughts are with them

I pray for no more rain!!! 

[Captain24]

Done. Tired. Horrible day. 

[tyme]

Well you deserve your hot chocolate with sweetened condensed milk @Captain24 .

I'm glad you are safe. Sounds like a scary drive.

[Captain24]

Definitely need the condensed milk! Maybe by the spoonful @tyme did you try it?? 

The drive to work took an hr! I missed the turn off as I didn’t know it. The water was terrible it was like hitting a brick wall. It was raining and those roads aren’t built overly well for 2 way traffic especially in the dark with the amount of traffic on it!