Time away from forums

[Snowie]

Writing helps me too @creative_writer getting it out helps release those pent up emotions.

My day has been ok. Bit up and down.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I hope today is kinder towards you 💖. I agree, writing can be a good outlet, I turn to poetry

[Snowie]

Good morning @creative_writer 

I hope you are able to write your feelings out and you have a good day today hin

💌💌

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I’ve spent some time writing, it helped a bit, doesn’t take away the pain, but it’s as good as it will get. Leading this unauthentic life is so draining.

Have you been up to much today?

[Snowie]

No unfortunately it doesn't take away the pain @creative_writer Hopefully it just eased it a bit.

Anything else that you've been doing today?

Took my mum out to lunch. Went ok. I suggested she ring Dementia Australia and talk to them. They have a helpline that you can ring anytime, any day. Told her too that she might benefit from seeing a psychologist. She took it quite well. Thought she would just dismiss it.

Now just curled up on the couch with the dog and my weighted blanket. Not intending on moving!!

[creative_writer]

@Snowie do you think people like us ever get out of therapy? I don’t want to be too reliant on professional support. I know realistically I don’t even see my psych so often. I do realise I have complex issues with CPTSD, bipolar, ND, and anxiety. I think I’m experiencing burn out from masking, but I don’t see any other way but to mask.

Haven’t been up to much, will need to get my bag ready for tomorrow, I have cooked some fish for the week. I don’t even know what to do with myself on the weekends, I’m so used to having uni over my head, but we do our assignments during placement hours right now.

Glad your mum took it well. Being curled up with your fur baby sounds lovely. Sometimes we need to allow ourselves to rest. It is cold too. I hope you stay warm and rest up 💖

[Snowie]

That is a really good question @creative_writer I'd like to believe that we cease therapy at some stage in our lives. I don't think anyone wants to continue it forever. I do believe that we will always have our mental illness, that it will always be a part of us. I guess it will be different for each person. Is there even a right answer to that question?

When I first took leave from work I said to myself I just need a few weeks off. That I'd be alright after a break. That it was normal to feel the way I did. Little did I know that my life would become drastically different. Right now I can't see myself stopping my therapy. I would like to think that how often I see my support becomes less and less over time. Will it cease altogether? I haven't the answer to that.

Do you have a hobby that you can do on the weekends? Or even try something new. I have been getting back into cross stitching. You can buy really cheap kits from kmart. 
I do think that trying to stay busy does help with my mental health.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I don’t want to be in therapy for the rest of my life or on meds. I know bipolar can go into remission for some people for a number of years where they may not need medication. I guess it’s very individual. CPTSD is hard particularly with multiple traumas over a period of time. I know some people say they recover from traumas, but I’m not seeing the way right now. I know I’m healing, but I don’t know how to get to the point where I can say I am healed. I know I’ve had number of obstacles, I had to get my meds adjusted, I had traumas I did not recognise, and now I’m recognising my ADHD symptoms. I honestly thought I was lazy for not improving, turns out, I found it hard to get on with things because my attention span was poor.

I think I’m not used to having free time. I might look into other hobbies. I did write some poetry today

[Snowie]

I can understand not wanting to be in therapy or take meds forever @creative_writer. I think if we all had that choice then we would stop it immediately. Unfortunately we cannot see into the future. Unfortunately we don't have those answers for ourselves.

Having CPTSD with multiple traumas is really hard. Adding ADHD would make it even harder.

I don't believe we are ever 'healed'. It will always be a part of who we are. But I do believe that we can move forward with our lives and get to the stage where we are at 'peace' with ourselves.

I also acknowledge that 'peace' can be so different for each person.

Free time is nice to have. Time to just relax and recover. But at the same time it can make our minds "wander". Perhaps a hobby might be a good idea.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie CPTSD is tough. The recent illness and marriage talk was triggering enough for me. I was on the verge of tears and yet tried to keep it all together. It’s exhausting keeping it together but what else can I do? If I don’t keep it together, other people will be uncomfortable and besides I gave up getting emotional needs met from family. I feel responsible for other people’s wellbeing. I find it very hard talking about things with friends, I don’t want to be the “depressed one” who doesn’t have their shit together. I don’t want to be a leech sucking other people’s happiness. I don’t expect my emotional needs to be met anyways. I try to pretend I don’t have them. I try to pretend I don’t need people (sometimes I have been able to convince myself but other times I haven’t).

I think we are ultimately all looking for peace. I just hope we find it. It is certainly true free time opens up time to ruminate. It’s very hard to motivate myself to do things after an exhausting week, but I know I have to fill my days up a bit more with more productive stuff