Time away from forums

[Snowie]

Can't it be both, being in a relationship. They are scary @creative_writer 

Basic human instinct is to protect ourselves. By opening up to someone we also open up to being betrayed. To being hurt.

I think everyone has those thoughts at some time or another. I am terrified of letting people in. The thought of being hurt/rejected is why I have no real friends.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie it’s not just about being hurt. Fear of getting hurt is part of it. I’m also touch sensitive because of trauma and from being neurodivergent, I would need someone who understands that. I’m afraid of being triggered even in a loving relationship, I’m afraid of feeling things.

I also feel as though I’m not worth it and feel too damaged

[Snowie]

You are worth it @creative_writer but I can understand that negative voice inside our head.

Our MH can be so complex with so many different parts of it affecting us. There are so many challenges when it comes to relationships.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I know everyone has their own expectations in relationships and it’s not the same for everyone. I sort don’t want to waste anyone’s time if I’m not marriage material, I just don’t know if I am. I can’t meet someone else’s needs in the expense of my mental health. I’m scared I wouldn’t be able to do it all. There is only so much I can sacrifice till it feels too much

[Snowie]

There are many different types of relationships @creative_writer I'm sure there are others that have similar issues that you do.

Maybe it is just finding something that is right for you. You shouldn't have to sacrifice anything but

I know your culture pushes marriage, you have spoken of the pressure put on people before.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie maybe this is a cultural thing, but isn’t one of the main purposes of marriage fulfilling each other’s sexual desires?

[Snowie]

I guess that answer is different for each relationship/marriage @creative_writer.

I know in my marriage that there is so much more to it than just sexual desire.

Yes intimacy does play a part in it, yet there are so many different ways on how to approach it too. I believe that communication in regards to it is so important. 

With my history with SA, I struggle a lot with intimacy and sexual desire. I have been very open with my husband and he knows how much my past has affected me. He respects me and my choices. I'm not say that we aren't intimate with each other, I am saying that ours might look different to other couples. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I guess what I am trying to say is that sexual desire only makes up a small part of a marriage. I believe there is so much more that comes before that. Of course, my opinion might not be the same as someone else's.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie maybe there is disconnect between me and my psych. I just thought that I would have to do the normal marriage stuff because typically no intimacy in romantic relationships is a red flag, but it probably depends from one relationship to another. I guess it’s something that needs to be discussed early on

[Snowie]

@creative_writer I think it probably does need to be discussed early on and it does differ from one relationship to another. I'm not saying it isn't a part of the relationship, I guess I am just saying it's not the most important thing.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie but I think it’s true that not every relationship will have the same amount of intimacy, I feel like it’s not fair to categorise what is enough just by societal expectations, it’s about what the individuals want in the relationship.

People tell me that it comes with time, it’s just hard for me to imagine ever feeling comfortable with people in itself since it’s not a normal occurrence for me