Life and trauma

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 it can definitely come on suddenly, i used to drink with friends and drank so much but it just didn't even have any affect on me so I was like yeah nah this is boring and that was that. Vodka is icky by itself but some of the mixed drinks you can get taste quite nice but I just can't even be bothered with alcohol and it's far too expensive now. Plus alcohol and medications don't mix.

With one of my ex partners his parents had a 42 foot boat that we used to go out on all the time, I enjoyed sitting at the front of the boat leaning over touching the water with dolphins cruising along with us. That's actually one good memory I have from that relationship but even that comes tainted. Ok, I'm not allowing myself to think about that anymore. But yeah now I couldn't even think about going fishing or on a boat, and sea sickness is horrible. 

I don't feel like I've made any progress, I actually feel like I've gone backwards in alot of ways. But the fact that I'm still here really does say alot even if I don't feel like it's actually progress at times. 

This heat is horrible and I'm so over it, having to go out in my car today was a nightmare. Things sound hard for you at the moment and I'm sorry that it's a struggle for you. I definitely hope you are still around for a while yet,  I really wish there was a magical cure for you. Even only knowing you on here, I feel such a connection with you for alot of what we have been through. 

Stay strong and know that I'm always here to chat to 😊. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 yeah the one I posted I've started now, only just done the corner as my brain is just all over the place and sitting still is proving to be difficult. 

The one I did earlier I've just left as is, I worry if I put a clear coat over it that I might ruin it. I think the colours are bright enough anyway so I'm not sure a clear coat is even needed 😂. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member oooo so bright!! I got a penchant for neon my own self haha - I have a lil UV display in my soon-to-be-craft room!

Aye totally understandable. I think it shows great wisdom and knowledge of self to know when it is safe to unleash and when to regulate and manage. Good on you 😉

[Former-Member]

@Jynx neon colours are the best, I used to have a uv light but I could never find a replacement globe for it so I got rid of it. I know these paints would look awesome under one. 

It's more that I just don't feel safe within myself to let anything out at the moment. It's a fine line though cos if things keep building up then it's going to be worse but I don't have a way to let it out safely right now and still remain in control. 

At the moment I'm so on edge and anxious. Honestly just wish I could sleep and not have to feel anything for a while. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member Oh true? I just got a parcan off ebay, and they also sell UV globes pretty cheap, got a couple. One I've stuck into my lil conical flask lamp - oh, here I'll grab a pic cos it's pretty cool 😉

Sounds like you're feeling stuck in this holding pattern - till you see your psych re the meds yeah? Frustrating.

I agree, where's the rostered time off for sleepy bear hibernation naps? Would like to take a nice long slumber.... Wake me up when it's cold again! 

[Former-Member]

@Jynx oohh that looks awesome, loving the setup 😍.

I don't even have a psych to see, past experience ruined that. But the mental health person at the hospital spoke to my doctor about a once off psychiatrist appointment to discuss medication options. I'm not sure i can even take medications now, not after this. The fear of even having them near me now is too much. 

Oh I hate this heat and wish I could sleep through it, bring back winter. You can always put more layers on to keep warm, you can only take so much off before it becomes illegal 😂.

Gah my day just got worse, when I'm completely vulnerable and I've got no strength to defend myself, of course I've just been hurt 😞 

[Former-Member]

@Jynx deep breaths, deep breaths, you are safe again now. I'm trying hard to remind myself that I'm ok. Why is that corners feel so safe in moments like this, like I'm invisible while I'm here and nothing can get to me. 

[Jynx]

Here with you @Former-Member 🫂

Do you wanna talk about it or trying to refocus on your art n stuff? 

[Former-Member]

@Jynx 

I can't even focus on anything now, I'm too scared to move. Surely there has to be a way to get help so this stops happening. I need someone to throw me a lifeline and get me out of this situation. 

I need those hugs so thankyou ❤️. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member made one small edit and added a spoiler tag for you (you don't need to do anything hun I'm just letting you know)

Yeah I am not surprised that you're feeling like you need a corner to hide in!! Makes sense to me, nothing can sneak up on you if you have your back to the wall. One of my partners is the same, just cannot sit closest to the door and needs bed to be in the corner and stuff. Whatever helps you feel safe, hey. 

Got plenty more hugs where that came from!! Squishy ones, warm n fuzzy ones, bear hugs, crush-my-soul-back-into-my-body hugs annnnd... oh! I got some soothing ones too, they come with head pats 😝